What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
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