What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
"Let's have some skele-fun."
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
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