Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
"Bone to be wild."
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
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