How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
"Bugs and hisses."
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
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