My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
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