My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
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