What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Go to BabaMail
