If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
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