The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
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