Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Go to BabaMail
