What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”