Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”