Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.