What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.