What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
What do you call a rainbow you ride your horse on?
A rein-bow.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.