What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.