What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.