Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
Did you hear about the girl who put gorilla glue in her hair?
Her stupidity knew no bonds
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
Did you hear about the 2 apes that kept fighting with each other?
It was gorilla warfare.
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!