What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!