Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.