What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.