How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!