Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.