What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!