How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.