I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.