What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell