What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.