Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.