What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.