I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.