A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gator.
What type of flooring do alligators have in their homes?
Rep-tiles.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”