What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup