In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns