What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
Each time the cow escaped, the farmer would find him hiding in Moo York City.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case