What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
Why are cats bad at telling stories? Because they only have one tail!
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!