If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.