Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.