Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.