What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.