How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
What do you think of puns about deer?
“I’m very fawn’d of them myself.”
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..
Talk about short arms long pockets...
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
What does a ghost panda eat?
BamBOO!
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A Stegosaur-rust
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
Why did the ram run over the cliff edge?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.