I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"
Me: "No... They're made of buff."
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
What goes eek, eek, bang?
A mouse in a minefield!
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
What is a good place for bat jokes?
A public bat room.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
What is a koala’s favorite pop singer? Koala Rae Jepsen. Her most popular song? “Koala Me Maybe”.
Q. What did they serve with nacho cheese at stag parties?
A. Deer-itos.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”