What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
A priest, a rabbit and a deacon walk into a blood bank.
"I think I might be a type o." said the rabbit.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.