What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
Why was the mosquito sad on christmas?
It was a bah hum bug.
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
Which dinosaur is pure evil? Daemonosaurus.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!