What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!