What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
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