What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
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