I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Biology - It grows on you.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
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