What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
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