On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
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