What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
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