What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
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