What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
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