What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Air resistance is a real drag.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
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