Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
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