What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
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