For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
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