Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
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