What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
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