I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
The sun is just a big space heater.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Go to BabaMail
