Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
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