What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Go to BabaMail
