Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
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