What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
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