Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
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