Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
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