Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
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