An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Air resistance is a real drag.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
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