I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
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