What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
The sun is just a big space heater.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
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