What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
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