What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
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