What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
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