What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
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