An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
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