What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
The superconductor left without resistance.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
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