I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
The superconductor left without resistance.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
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