If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
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