What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
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