Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
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