Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
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