Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
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