Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
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