Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
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