What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
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