Biology - It grows on you.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
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