What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
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