What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
To get to the other tide.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
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