Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
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