Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
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